Headlines: Kuhnert Gets Bumped Up For 2008!

Yes, sports fans, Alfred "The Computer" Kuhnert has been officially bumped up....Mr. Kuhnert has soared to heights only the McClung and several others have ever reached! It was just a matter of time before his game's consistency, accuracy, and ball placement calculations took over to make it "fair for all". Good luck, Alfred!You may ask why is McClung writing about Alfred; easy...McClung is in a battle with Roger Federer for Player of the Year Honors and Sportsmanship of the Year Honors. McClung is trouncing Roger in the Sportsmanship of the Year Honors and these extra points add up quickly. The Player of the Year Honors will be decided on the court (in case anyone hasn't heard, Mr. McClung did place "In The Money" at the recent SEC Tennis Tournament. Congratulations are in order!). Also, Alfred worked on the McClung's computer and McClung is hoping these kind words will translate into a discount next time!

MCCLUNG DOMINATES STATE TENNIS TOURNAMENT!

Yes, Danny McClung Sports Fans, the MCCLUNG completed the State Tennis Tournament "Undefeated"! McClung's accomplishments are even more amazing when you consider he played with different partners, different days, and morning and evening matches. Danny has received numerous calls requesting his score results. The results by match are as follows:

• 1st match: 6-2, 6-2
• 2nd match: 6-4, 6-4
• 3rd match: 3-6, 6-1, 10-6

Unfortunately, McClung had to work Friday and was unable to play in the two matches which his team lost 4 of the 6 matches in 3rd set tie-breakers while winning one of the six. McClung looks forward to updated all fans as his tennis exploits continue. His personal email is aceitdano@bellsouth.net.

MCCLUNG AND MCCLUNG DEFEAT HENLEY AND CARTER

Tennis history has once again turned her head! Yes, this is the same Henley/Carter Team that defeated McClung and his unknown partner when he first moved to Mississippi. Of course his partner had a stomach virus while attempting to play tennis and wasn't a real tennis player to start with. The Henley/Carter Team came up with a winning strategy, "Don't hit the ball to McClung". The execution of this strategy has rarely been successful as proven by McClung's 20 year record that would have Roger Federer dreaming for a trade. Henley and Carter became quick friends with their victim and McClung entered into the Team Tennis stage thanks solely to them. Both have been captains and of course recruited McClung to be on their teams. McClung would like to thank them publicly for initiating a platform to display his awesome skills. By the way, McClung and McClung is not Danny and his mother, Wanda, who are three time champions of the Open Bridges Tennis Center Mother/Son Tournament as well as champions of various other tournaments held around the state. No, McClung played with his 13 year old son to spring him to victory over the fellows that got his dad's Mississippi Tennis Career started before he was even born. A changing of the guard one may say; tennis folklore to others...

The McClung

MCCLUNG'S UNBELIEVABLE RUN CONTINUES

McClung's unbelievable run continues as he and Earl "The Pearl" defeats Steve "The Competitor" Szabo and Wayne "The Golfer" 6-3, 7-5. After their defeat, Steve, The Competitor, wanted to continue playing a third set "for fun" while conceding defeat. Earl, McClung's partner, suggested to McClung to let the opponents win the "for fun" third set so they will be willing to play McClung and Earl in the future. This advice went against all the McClung had been taught but considering he did want to leave the court on Saturday and needed competitors to play in the future, McClung did not protest and gave the opponents the "fun set" 6-4. Our Statistics Department is presently researching a comparison of records between The McClung and Roger Federer. It is evident the Sportsmanship Award would be leaning toward the McClung over Roger after this past weekend!

The McClung

Debi Lifeguard

Debi Lifeguard
Originally uploaded by thymel

Debi says "After I finish lifeguarding, I get to take the free tennis lessons Mr. McClung promised me! Is it time yet?"

Carter Team Pushes Kuhnert Team to the Brink

Yes, sports fans, it was all it had been built up to be...the Winless Carter Team against the Kuhnert Team. Mr. McClung was playing in the number one court with Mr. Beauchamps. Both started at the bottom of their game while their opponents were hitting winners right and left. Alfred the Computer Kuhnert would calculate if McClung was leaning left, he would hit it right with lobs or pure passing shots; if McClung was leaning right, he would hit it left. His partner, another Danny, was blasting winners from every possible position on the court. These blasts were not returnable. The match was a marathon with the McClung/Beachamps Team finally winning 6-3, 6-0. The second court was Slam/Bam tennis. McClung could hear the ball's compression being tested on more than one occasion while the Kuhnert Team won 11-9 in a 3rd set tie-breaker. The 3rd court, Steve "The Competitor" Szabo was a little too compe titive for the Carter Team winning 6-0, 6-1. Yes, the Kuhnert Team edged the Carter Team by a match score of 2-1.

McClung looks forward to playing on Beauchamps' Winning State bound team...stay tuned......

The McClung

Debi Snorkling

Debi Snorkling
Originally uploaded by thymel

Debi says "Since I can't hang with Mr. McClung on the Tennis Court, I'll Take Up Snorkling!"

New Fan Club Members

The Danny McClung Fan Club would like to welcome Chesley and Amy Simoneaux as new Fan Club members. Chesley and Amy are high school chums of Mr. McClung and can attest to his high school athletic prowess.

Welcome to the club!

An Early Admirer of Mr. McClung

A Danny McClung Fan
Originally uploaded by thymel

THE RESULTS ARE UNANIMOUS!

The Final vote tally was 467 for Deb's Pics and 0 against! The vote count was "per 100" and the McClung would like to thank all participating voters! The editors have decided to place the pics in a sequential Danny McClung Fan Club format for all to enjoy!

The McClung

McClung Wins One for the Winless

Mr. McClung has displayed his awesome skills once more winning a key victory for the Ritchie "Big Dog" Carter Team. Although the Carter Team suffered two individual match losses on the other courts (in one of the matches they were up 5-0 and lost 5-7) and remain winless as a team this season - even behind a team that has never played a point this year but has forfeited every match so far - McClung prevailed 6-2, 7-5 to get the team geared up for it's next and final match, the Egg Bowl of Tennis against the mighty team of Alfred "The Computer" Kuhnert. Mr. Kuhnert has won as many matches with his brain as he has his with his raw, natural, athletic ability. When you combine his consistancy with his angled calculations, one must never be over-confident.

Although some may call it a match for the losers, a Carter win would catapult his team out of last place. With McClung playing, the odds makers have established this match as dead even. Please arrive at least one hour early for seating assignments.

The McClung

MCCLUNG PROPELS TEAM TO THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP*

McClung won his tennis doubles match today propelling Team Finis to the State Championship! One of the many spectators in the stands, Ritchie "Big Dog" Carter, described the match as "McClung single- handily" winning the match. McClung's team won the first set in comfortable fashion by the score of 6-2. McClung's team fell behing 1-3 in the second set, however, at this point, McClung took over the net and thus the match. The second set score was 6-4 in favor of the McClung Team. Highlights of the match include an opponent throwing his racquet well over the center field fence and McClung hitting a drop shop with so much touch and backspin, the ball dropped over the net then came back toward McClung's side of the court sitting on top of the net before falling back on the opponents side of the net for another McClung winner!

* The McClung would like to thank Ritchie "Big Dog" Carter for his contribution to this article and excellent research regarding League Standings and criteria for eligibility to the State Championship!

The McClung

MCCLUNG ACCEPTS INVITATION

Yes, tennis fans, McClung has, as you may have heard, accepted the invitation from Mr. Finis "The Champion" Beauchamp to join Beauchamp's undefeated tennis team. Mr. McClung feels it will be a good fit with Mr. McClung's legendary talents matched with Mr. Beauchamp's exceptional team record. Mr. McClung will play his first tennis match for the Finis Beauchamp today, October 7th at 1:30 PM. Please arrive early if you want a seat at McClung's opening match.

On another note, our membership continues to grow by leaps and bounds on a daily basis. Mr. McClung's staff is not able to keep up with the membership growth but just today's newest members include Finis "The Champion" Beauchamp, Steven "Bull's-Eye" Henley, Alfred "The Computer" Kuhnert, and Steve "The Competitor" Szabo. McClung wishes all members happy and safe tennis returns.

The McClung

Virtual Tennis Ball of Honor

The Virtual Tennis Ball of Honor is the highest award given to a friend of Mr. McClung that displays sportsmanship, friendship, and an unwavering support of Mr. McClung! Congratulations to this week's recipients.

Click here to view the award winners!

Important Fan Club Information

Mr. McClung has been receiving numerous calls from those of you who are unsuccessfully trying to vote. Changes have been made to the site so please try again.

McClung's I. T. Department

Hot Shot Tennis Professionals

Hot Shot Tennis Professionals
Originally uploaded by thymel

Here is an article about our hero Danny and his sidekick a couple of years ago when they taught tennis for St. Charles Parish. Notice the hair and mustache, they look like a couple dudes from a bad 1970's porn movie!

Click on the picture for a better look!

Enjoy!

The Danny McClung Tennis Fan Club - Important

To All Fans,

Mr. McClung Requests that each member go to Mrs. Fitzgerald's website (www.Pbase.com/DebiFitz) and take a look at her art work. Mr. McClung requests every member to write a comment and sign off as "A Fan Club Member"...little will anyone know that it is the Fan Club of Mr. McClung! It will be a fun and interesting tour! Mrs. Fitzgerald drew a tiger (I think) in my Senior High School Yearbook and has informed me it will be so valuable in future years that if my children sold it, it would bring in enough money to put my grandchildren through college!

Also, I have some Pics of Mrs. Fitzgerald that have been selling for $100's of dollars on the internet. I am requesting Mr. Hymel to write in as the next question whether these pics should be displayed on the Danny McClung website. If over 50% of the voters want the Pics displayed for free, they will be displayed to all of our Privileged Members of the Danny McClung Tennis Fan Club. I must warn you these Pics are very risque.

Lastly, and the Highlight of this email, Mr. Hymel has created a blog at http://mcclungtennis.blogspot.com/ that is UNBELIEVABLE! Please enter for your own amazement!

Happy Tennis Returns,
The McClung

Special Guest 10/1/07

Hello Danny McClung Fans! Before I get into McClung's latest Classic, I want to welcome two of our newest members, Keith "Special K" Kalagian and Ritchie "Big Dog" Carter. This Fan Club is growing by leaps and bounds and McClung is most appreciative of the Internet.

A little background on 'The Classic"......Mr. Thad Hymel and McClung were Junior High and High School friends who not only played tennis together, but were THE Tennis Instructors of St. Charles Parish when only in High School! A member of the McClung Fan Club, Debbie Fitzgerald, is high tech and may be willing to send the Newspaper Picture and article to all interested parties. McClung and Hymel had not seen each other for 32 years! The legends met tonight!

To undescribable match will be called "The Classic" for all sports fans throughout the ages. McClung, the sly player he is, chose the better player and gave Thad the weaker player (Right Keith?). I think the best word that Mr.Thad Hymel could possibly describe the entire competition was "underwhelmed'. Mr. Hymel was in a class by himself! McClung, a very astute pupil of the game, noticed that whenever Thad's team needed a point, he raised his game to a higher level. McClung, the ever competitive player that he is, noticed that when his partner, Special K, served, his shirt would rise above his belly showing his belly button to all. As a result, McClung has labeled Special K's serve as the "Brittany Spears' Serve". While Mr. Hymel's partner was spraying shots all over the place, McClung astutely told his partner, Special K, that whenever we need a point, don 't hit the ball to Mr. Hymel, hit it to Mr. Conn. Well, the score was close due to McClung's skillful calculation and partner selection. The Official Score of the match was :
Mr. Hymel's team won the first set 6-4; McClung's team won the 2nd set 6-3; the third set tie-breaker was 10-8 in favor of the Hymel team with Mr. Hymel hitting what was described by McClung's partner as an "Unbelievable Shot" at Match Point....the ball was hit deep, with pace, and behind him, but miraculously, Mr. Hymel hit a topspin lob that McClung was running back for and ready to try something very special with the ball (like hitting it down the line for a winner) when McClung's partner, Special K, screamed "Watch It"! McClung unfortunately listened to his partner (to use the term loosely) and let the ball fall IN!....when the heavy top spin on the ball hit the ground, McClung had no chance to retrieve it and proceded to walk to the net, shake hands with Special K and Mr. Conn and give Mr. Hymel a big hug! The End

McClung Wins Again 9/29/07

Hello Sports Fans,
We have an update from the world of Tennis....McClung has won AGAIN!
McClung was playing this morning with the most competitive Steve Szabo against a couple of guys McClung had not played against before. McClung and Szabo lost the first set 6-4; when one was playing well, the other was not and it continued that way...some great shots but consistancy for the team was missing. The second set continued in the same pattern but McClung won his serve at a critical juncture and as a result, the set as well 6-4. The 3rd set tie-breaker was a display of tennis rarely seen by the competitors with McClung winning 10-2. Yes, it is another win for the McClung. As his fans, I'm sure each of you will want to congratulate him with his latest victory.
A Mystery Guest/Special Guest will be present on Monday in Jackson. As official fan club members, you have the right to Priviledged Informatiion. I will divulge this secret information to you.....he is the one and only Mr. Thad Hymel, Ex-Tennis Instructor of St. Charles Parish with McClung. It will be a pleasure for McClung to play with such a legendary figure as he looks forward to competing against another new competitor.
Thank you Fan Club Members,
Danny

McClung Wins 9/25/07

Yes, Sports Fans of Danny McClung, Danny has won again! He is a legend in his own tennis shoes! His latest score was 6-2, 2-6, and 10-6 in the 3rd set tie-breaker. McClung was playing with Mr. Keith Kalagian who was playing with a demo racquet so McClung had to carry him. Mr. Kalagian, also known as Special K, was a very heavy load but McClung prevailed!
Highlights of the match include McClung screaming out MATCH POINT while receiving serve at Add In for the Chuck Dunn team! While all the other courts watched with intensity, McClung hit a backhand winner down the line off Mr. Chuck Dunn's serve that Steve Szabo dived for, but was unable to touch! The players on the other screamed Congratualations to McClung thinking the match was over! Little did they know the score was Add In for the Dunn team at 5-2 in the 3rd set.
As Steve Szabo was changing sides in the third set tie-breaker, he said it's a Long Way to go to 10 points with the score 5-1 in favor of the McClung team on the changeover. At 9-4, Mr. Kalagian wanted to ask Mr. Szabo how close he felt it was to 10 now but McClung declined. (during the previous match several weeks ago, McClung, losing 5-2, commented how difficult it is to win that Last Game; of course McClung proceded to come back and win that set too!)!

McClung hopes its ok to send emails since his Fan Club is growing! The current price of stamps would make a mailing cost prohibitive! McClung is a member of the Roger Federer Fan Club and receives his emails and knows how you feel. McClung requested a tennis ball be signed by Roger and mailed to him for his son's birthday but nothing received to date. McClung will remember that when Roger wants a tennis ball signed by McClung.
Best Wishes to each of you and Happy Tennis Returns!
McClung